I Was Just Thinking
by Funky Chicken
Summary: Each chapter is told from a different point of view. During a Scooby meeting, Buffy is sitting in Spike's lap, and we get to hear everyone's thoughts on it. (complete)
1. Xander

Spike… Buffy… Spike… Buffy… I still can't get it right in my mind. The 'why' and 'how' of their… situation is still something I'm trying to figure out. It's been two months now. _Two months_ since they 'got together' so to speak, and I still don't understand one bit of it. I don't agree with it, either. Does she even realise how difficult it is to watch your _best friend_ be cuddled by Spike?

After two months, I still don't understand how she can handle him _touching_ her, let alone holding her in his lap, like _that_, like he's doing right now. It's disgusting! I've fought demons before, and gotten completely plastered by their insides. Still, seeing Buffy and Spike together is by far the most repulsive experience of my life. 

I want Buffy to be happy. I honestly do. But… I don't want _him_ to be the source of her happiness. Not Spike. _Not… Spike._ He's not even human for God's sake.

And, when exactly did Spike become someone who's acceptable to her? That's what I don't get. When did he stop being that soulless, monstrous _thing_ she always talked about, and turn into a vampire worthy of Buffy's love? Her answer had been "that's just how things are". 

I don't believe it though. I can't believe that a smart girl like Buffy, an _intelligent_ _Slayer_ like Buffy, could go from Angel, the vampire with a soul, to Parker, the mistake, then to Riley, the cool guy who never got from her what deserved, to Spike. The vampire with a chip. Somehow, that just doesn't have a nice ring to it no matter how it's said. 

Maybe, hopefully, Buffy will wake up one of these days. Perhaps someday she'll see in Spike what I see in him, and what she _used_ to see. Until then, I'll just have to keep downing a whole bottle of Pepto before every Scooby meeting. Well, not literally of course, but I should start taking something to ease the convulsions I go into every time I'm forced to see Buffy and Spike together.

Oh, Willow's about to say something… hopefully she's found a way to get rid of that Afrobe demon. I don't know how much longer I can take this…


	2. Willow

Okay, it seems like I was the only one listening to me talk. Well, maybe not. It looks like Buffy is at least considering what I just said. Spike looks content, as if he could have been listening, or just studying Buffy's hands; maybe a bit of both. Xander, on the other hand, looks completely lost. Probably brooding about Spike and Buffy again. 

I guess I can't blame him. After all, Spike and Buffy being all cuddly and lovey just doesn't fit very well. Then again, it's been almost two months now. Xander really needs something else to ponder about. Maybe I should get him a pet or something. Or, what if I came up with this really hard carpentry project. At least then he'd spend the Scooby meetings thinking of something other than Buffy and Spike… Well, even then he probably wouldn't be able to help himself… 

Even though it seems to be all he thinks about now, in some ways I envy Xander. Well, maybe only in the way that he's at least sure on where he stands on the issue. I don't know if I'm okay with it or not. 

Buffy smiles more now, and Spike is practically glowing 24/7, so it's obvious that they make each other happy at least. He treats her right, too. Xander would never admit it, but Spike comes off as one of the most loving men I've ever seen. He treats Buffy like a goddess, and sometimes in the subtlest ways, too. 

Still, like Xander says, it _is_ Spike. William the Bloody, the same one who's tried to kill us, let alone Buffy, on countless occasions. But, I always try to tell myself: that was then, but this is now. 

Someday, I'll get over it. Someday Xander might even understand. Until then, I'll just have to keep Xander at bay, and force myself to look past the fact that Buffy is dating Spike, and realise that the most important thing is that he makes her happy. 

Hey, wait a minute… Afrobe demons are susceptible to sunlight? This could be helpful… "_The Afrobe demon prefers a dark, damn climate, not unlike the Jeneff demon and some vampires. Because of this, the Afrobe demon…_"


	3. Dawn

I think it's sweet. Willow and Xander don't totally agree with me, but I think it's sweet, Buffy and Spike being together. Two months ago, I was ready to tell Buffy that she was just being crazy, that it was just gonna be Angel all over again, especially with the whole Spike-being-a-vampire thing. I didn't want her to get hurt the way she did with Angel. It used to suck having to listen as she cried herself to sleep…

Spike doesn't make her cry though. I know that her going out with Spike won't be like it was with Angel. Spike seems more likely to dust himself before he'd even think about hurting Buffy. Not only that, but he's _definitely_ not the type who'll just walk out on her like Angel, Parker, _and_ Riley did. 

At least Buffy finally seems happy. With Angel, she was always crying; every day was like the end of the world, especially when he lost his soul. He loved her, and she loved him, but things were just too complicated. 

Riley was a good guy. He could make Buffy happy, and she meant the world to him. But they couldn't work it out. I guess she was just scared that he'd leave her like Angel did. She was afraid to get too close. And, well, in the end, that's what happened, so I guess Buffy was right, which sucks, because I really did like Riley. Even though he always called me 'kid'.

But Spike's different. Spike will never leave her. He won't wake up one night and decide that she isn't good enough for him, or that things just can't work out. He loves her too much. For Spike, any love or affection that she can give him is enough. As long as he knows its there, I'm guessing that's he's one happy vampire. 

All it takes is one glance at him when he looks at Buffy. If it's hard for me to believe that Spike is absolutely in love with my sister, I just have to watch his eyes when he looks at her. They just kind of soften as he glances over her entire body from head to toe. Sometimes he calms to the point of actually being _helpful_ at Scooby meetings. 

Okay, so maybe Buffy should have at least _tried_ looking around. Maybe she should have gone for someone a little more… human. But it doesn't matter what I think, and it doesn't matter what Xander or Willow think either. Spike is exactly who Buffy thinks she needs, and no one is going to change her mind about that.

Uh oh, it smells like my lunch is burning!


	4. Spike

You can stare all you want, Harris. It'll just make my smirk even wider. I love knowing that Buffy and I being together rips you up inside. It's bloody hilarious from my point of view. Even Buffy's had a laugh or two about it. 

I know you all think Buffy's off her nut, being with a vampire and all. Especially since she chose me out of the lot. Your old pal Spikey come back to haunt you in ways you didn't want to imagine. And I don't even have to throw punches anymore. Kisses, maybe, but not punches. And that just sweetens the deal. I get to make love to the Slayer, and you get all hung up about it.  

It's not entirely my fault though. I just see what none of you do. I see that Buffy needs a little darkness once in a while, especially in her men, and I can give her just that, among other things…

Mm… look at these hands. _Look_ at these _hands_. I still have yet to find a single flaw on Buffy, and her hands barely fit into that category. I wouldn't have expected them to be so tender. Years of throwing stakes and swinging battle-axes should have destroyed the skin on her palms by now… 

That's just what I love though. Her hands are silent weapons. They seem peaceful right now, being played with by my fingers, but she's capable of incredible damage with them. I should know, too… I've seen what they can do. Hell, I've even had a taste or two. 

Dammit, when is this sodding Scooby meeting going to be over? I have important business with these hands that has to be taken care of. 

These hands… and that mouth…

Those lips, her pearly teeth, supple tongue, and her warm, enticing breath. 

Lips. Her lips. Made of liquorice and twice as sweet. The ones that wrap around my mouth, my ear lobe, my collar bone, my… Hell, is there any place they _haven't_ been?

The perfect, sometimes jagged teeth that know just where to bite, and just how hard is hard enough. The same razors that sometimes get stained with my own blood from sinking too deep. 

I can feel her tongue slipping across my neck now. It's against my fingertips for a split second, joining with her lips to close over my fingers before she sinks lower on my body. The feel of her tongue is of course accompanied by her lips as she encircles my nipple, my navel, and then… oh God there's so much that happens next. Oh… right there. Right. There. 

Her breath is another thing to drive a man out of his mind. Well, maybe not a man, but a vampire for sure. It's so hot. Sometimes I can even feel it searing my skin. The way it trickles across my neck and chest. The way it floods my senses when I go just a little too deep inside her. 

That's what I need… right now. Let's pack it up kiddies, Buffy and I need our play time… help me out here, pet. I feel just about ready to kill something if we don't get out of these clothes soon enough…


	5. Buffy

He's playing with my hands again. Honestly, Willow, I'm trying to listen to you, but the way he's holding my hands, it's just so distracting. And I _know_ you're not happy, Xander. You can stop looking at Spike and I, because that face you're making isn't going to help create any huge problem between us that we can't cause by ourselves. 

God, I wish I could make you understand. I wish there were words that could describe how he makes me feel. Sometimes I can't even describe it to myself, let alone other people. 

Everything about him is just so simple in comparison to the rest of the world. He's a vampire, I'm the Slayer. He's a vampire in love with the Slayer, and I'm… well, I'm the Slayer who's letting herself get swept off her feet by the vampire.   
Sitting here, relaxing across Spike's lap, it just puts me at ease. To be in the arms of someone who absolutely _loves_ you is incredible. Spike makes me feel so calm, he eases the tension out of my muscles without even a single attempt at massaging me. It's just… _him_. Spike is a vampire, and I'm the Slayer, capable of killing vampires, giant snakes, and superhuman droids, yet _he_ makes _me_ feel safe. There's nothing more protective than his solid yet supple arms and chest. 

The only thing is, I don't know for sure if I love him or not. We make love every night. Some half-assed patrolling and then it's down to his crypt. Sometimes we don't even make it _that_ far. And, I love it. I love the way his punches can sting like arousing flames, the way his teeth on my flesh can be like injecting myself with an aphrodisiac. I love what he does to me, but I still don't know if I love _him_. Sometimes I think I do, and sometimes I think I'm just fooling myself.

I'll try to love him though. I _want_ to love Spike, because I know how much he loves me. I know that he'd go to the ends of the earth for me, and that no matter what, Spike won't ever leave me. 

Spike is the only man I can think of who's right for me, anyway. If not because he loves me, then because of what he can do to me, and what I can do to him. No man, not even the strongest of them all, has the endurance or strength to make a perfect lover for any Slayer. No one has the brutality to be able to hit me square in the jaw, and then caress the bone a moment later, knowing there won't actually be a bruise. No one I've been with has been ruthless enough to trust themselves, or me, with doing that. I was built to fight vampires, and demons, and apparently I was also made to love them, too. He's the only one who gets that. 

He's still playing with my hands. I love watching his fingers as he does. I love the way it looks, his stronger, paler fingers snaking against my smaller ones. It feels good, too. Especially right now… his touch is becoming a little more… fidgety. It's insistent, and increasingly sensual, as if my hands are just symbols of what's really on his mind. Spike's train of thought can be quite dangerous at times. 

Oh God… Oh… _God_ I wasn't expecting _that_! Okay, I was, but… he's so hard. If only I were just leaning into him a little more… having it press against my thigh just isn't satisfying. 

Now his hands have let go of mine… he's trying to… no. Not here. I want you to; I really do… because I know how good it feels. The way your fingers can find just the right places… but no. Not in front of everyone. 

Here, wrap them around my waist; pull me closer… like that… there we go. Wait, bad idea… fuck, your body is so cold, so refreshing. 

You're breathing. No, wait, you're smelling me, God, your breath is sliding against the back of my neck. I shouldn't have used that shampoo, or put on so much of that perfume you like…

Spike! What are you doing!? Don't put your hand there! You think… they can't see you… doing… oh… God… Sp… Spike. You're even making my _thoughts_ stutter. You've got to stop. I don't want you to, but it's the middle of the day. There's no way in Hell that we'd make it to your crypt. 

Oh God… please forgive me guys, but… "Hey Willow"… okay, Buffy, steady your breath. Breathe. Breathe. That's it. "Why don't you guys take Dawn out for lunch…"


End file.
